Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
