I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
