Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
