just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
