Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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