I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
