I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
