At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
