i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
