I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You smell like stripper and shame
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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