Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
