You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i drank out of a bidet.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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