Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
