I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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