I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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