Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
