I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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