Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
