I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
