mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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