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If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
