I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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