I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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