wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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