Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can I color on your dick again?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
