I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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