he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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