i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
