Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's never too late to be topless.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
