Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
