She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
