you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
