Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
