i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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