Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Who died my cat blue again?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
