my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
