Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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