i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
