Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
