Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
