its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
