Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
