what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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