Plan B is the new Plan A
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
