Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
