Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
