I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just cropdusted the office
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
