areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
