I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
