Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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