So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
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The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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