Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
