What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
