dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my shit smells like andre
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
