For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
