I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
