I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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