The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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