Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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