I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
