1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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