Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i drank out of a bidet.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I did not marry a roomba.
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