Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
