Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize