I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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