I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
