I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This baby is an asshole
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
