Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
