u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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