I think I won the penis lottery.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
