god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
