two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
