I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
