Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
