Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
