I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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