when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
